Monday, September 5, 2016

Isn't mother nature supposed to love us all.

Mother nature, I hate you.
At least I do right now. If you're a girl reading this, I'm sure you probably already know what this is about. If not, then I'll just tell you right now.
Periods, PMS-ing, that time of the month, cranky mode, hormones overload, blood gushing out of the vagina.
At the moment I'm on my period. And it sucks.
I hate it when guys say "it can't be that bad", well then I say, "no uterus, no opinion".
This summer vacation I went to a sailing camp (I go every year). And there are these boys that I know pretty well, because they go every year too and I was in the same class in elementary school with some of them. But there is this one particular boy, and this year he was the oldest from the camp I think. Still he ins't more than 1 or 2 years older than I am so it's whatever.
The thing is, he could be so annoying, but at the same time, he is pretty cute. So you're just like, 'okay whatever I'll let it slide'. He was that kind of perverted guy that's totally inappropriate but if it would come down to it he wouldn't know what to do. That kind of guy.
One of the female instructors was one her period that week. And he made sure that everyone in the camp knew, while we were all having dinner. :) Tasty!
And he just kept on saying that it must not be that bad, she was just exaggerating and stuff like that. And literally asked her "can I smack him?"
and she said "yeah sure, whatever. O, but make sure it's hard" and he just said to me "babe I would see that long coming so I wouldn't try if I were you" 3 seconds later he looks away to the kitchen area and when he turns his head back around my hand is right there, "okay yeah I didn't see that one coming"
So ladies if a guy ever says to you that you're exaggerating I say, smack him in the face! HARD!
'Cause guys it literally feels like you're being punched in the vagina. Over, and over.
I once saw this quote on Instagram and I thought "that couldn't be more accurate".

-x- Caroline


So I have a best friend (I know shocking right, I can actually have friends!)  I'm not going to tell you her actual name, but she wanted me to call her Laura on here (even though I don't really think the name Laura suits her but whatever).
So we have that kind of weird relationship where were actually married on Facebook. So yeah that kind of relationship. I'm probably going to mention her a lot on this blog , just a heads up.
She knows about this blog and that it's me writing it, so there isn't really any problem in that case.
I don't know if I'm going to edit this later with her giving you guys a message but whatever. I'll just post this for right now.
-x- Caroline

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Enough is enough

So in my last post I told you that I play field hockey. And every Saturday I have a game. My season has just started and my club has joined with another club and is now named HCS its basically stands for, Hockey Combination Schiedam.
With the new club comes new uniforms, new people and of course new teams. My team has a variety of girls from my old club, which I know very well, and girls from the club we have joined with, whom I don't really know. Most of the girls are great and we get along really well but there are always those certain girls who think that they're better than anyone else in the team (most of the time they aren't) and always have  something to say about someone else even though it might be their own fault.
My team has one of those girls. Let's call her Julie. So, Julie is always picking fights and saying stuff behind peoples backs. We all know what's she's saying and who it's about but we just let it slide 'cause frankly we don't really care.
But it's the most annoying when she starts screaming at other people on the field, while a game is going on. I mean I get that it's annoying that someone made a mistake, or someone should've had that ball that came towards her, But I just keep it to myself or say to the person. 'Better next time, just keep going'. But when Julie starts screaming at everyone on the field this whole drama starts. Everyone starts saying that it's not their faults, that they should just keep on going and  most of the time that everyone should just shut up. But with everyone on the team saying that we should shut up, nobody actually shuts up.
There are a few reasons why everyone should keep it to them selves and tell their problem to the coach or something like that.
1. It throws everybody off, most of the time we can't really concentrate anymore after that.
2. It just doesn't look great in front of the other team, the people on the sidelines and it just gives an overall bad name to our team.
3. last but not least, while you're screaming at your teammate that they should stay with their 'girl' (the girl from the other team you're supposed to keep in 'check'.) your own 'girl' walks away from you, gets the ball and scores.

The atmosphere (I think you can say that in this sentence..?) is overall just not great and it all just starts with this one girl. Julie.

She even starts saying things to referee or saying things about him, that he isn't doing it right and stuff like that. It's just so annoying and I just literally want to yell at the referee 'give her a card, just so she's of the field!!'

The season hasn't even officially started yet, (we always have practise games before the season starts)
and I'm already done with all of the shit that's going on.
-x- Caroline

Friday, September 2, 2016

When things are rough.

So, I'm in high school. And the first week isn't over yet but I'm already freaking out. You see I'm from The Netherlands and the school system is a little different here. We start at age 4  in grade 1 all the way to grade 8 when most people are about the age of 11/12 (depends on your birthday) . and then we go to "middle school". That's the exact translation at least. 'Middelbare School' look it up if you want to. and we go from year 1 to year 6. Most people are 18 when they graduate.
I'm what people call 'an early student'. You start school the day you turn 4 and most of the time you have to do grade 1 over, because you missed most of the year. My birthday is on October 17th. So I I had the choice to go to grade 2 or do the year again.  I chose to go to grade 2 so I'm always in a class where people are a year older than I am, sometimes 2. It's not only hard on a intelligence level. but also because a lot of the times they are just more developed. Especially this school year, you have to start working for yourself. Teacher won't explain everything anymore, You can't just fake being sick so you can miss a lesson you don't like. Karma is going to come back and bite you in the ass when you don't have a clue what the teacher is talking about the next lesson, and of course the rest of the class doesn't really know how to explain how to do it because they don't really understand either.
So generally it gets pretty hard.
I don't know if anyone else had this, but sometimes I just feel like everything is going wrong. I don't like not knowing what's going on. The moment in class where I just don't understand I start panicking, I feel like suddenly the whole year is going to fail and I'm not going to pass the year. (In the Netherlands you sometimes have to do a year again or go to another "level", I don't really know how to explain how levels work. I don't even think it's called levels in English I just don't know a better translation.)
But actually everything is going to be alright. It's just one lesson. You can ask your parents or a classmate who does understand, you can even get a tutor. Don't worry.
But despite everything I just said, I still panic .
Last night when I came home from field hockey practice, My family had already ate so I just ate at the dining table alone while my mom was doing something on her phone next to me to keep me company. She asked me how everything was going at school and I just gave her the standard answer, 'How was school?'
'Yeah, fine. Not anything special'
And I just left it with that.
But then suddenly I felt the urge to talk to someone about how I actually felt.
So I started talking, really talking.
'Well sometimes it does go a little fast in the lesson.'
'O, really which one?'
'Maths, science, sometimes other lessons. It's just really hard because apparently we're supposed to do everything by ourselves and I just don't know how to deal with.'
'You know you can always ask one of your brothers right'
I started talking about it all, about the fact that I was always younger and this the year was where you kind of decide what you want to do later in your life and the panicky feelings that I'd been feeling in the class came back to me. I started crying.  We had a whole conversation that if I needed help I could just ask and stuff like that. But I'm the kind of person who tries to figure everything out on my own. And know I can always ask, but to me it feels like defeat and it makes me feel stupid.
But I just have to remind myself that not everything I do can be perfect.
-x- Caroline